News
December 01, 2025
This behaviour can permanently damage relationships. Why do we do it so often?
It’s the time of year when people start talking about peace on earth. So why do so many of us hold on to a grievance – and when should we let it go?
As the holiday season approaches, filled with talk of goodwill and reconciliation, a nagging question often resurfaces: why do we cling to grudges, even when they threaten to unravel our relationships? Holding onto a grievance, that simmering resentment towards someone who has wronged us, is a surprisingly common human experience, yet it can inflict lasting damage on the bonds we cherish most.
But what fuels this tendency to hold onto anger? Psychologists suggest a complex interplay of factors is at play. Often, it stems from a deep-seated need for validation. We feel wronged, and maintaining the grudge reinforces our belief that we were indeed justified in feeling hurt. Letting go might feel like admitting the slight wasn't significant, undermining our sense of self-righteousness.
Another key factor is the desire for control. Holding a grudge can feel like wielding power over the perceived offender. It allows us to punish them, albeit internally, and maintain a sense of moral superiority. This feeling of control, however illusory, can be particularly appealing when we feel powerless in other areas of our lives.
The problem is, this internal punishment rarely affects the other person as much as it affects us. Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It festers within, creating stress, anxiety, and even physical ailments. It also prevents genuine reconciliation and the possibility of rebuilding damaged trust.
So, when is it time to let go of a grievance? The answer isn't always straightforward. Some offenses are genuinely damaging and require significant processing, perhaps even professional help, before forgiveness is possible. However, for many smaller slights, the benefits of forgiveness far outweigh the costs of harboring resentment.
Consider the impact the grudge is having on your well-being and your relationship. Is it consuming your thoughts? Is it preventing you from moving forward? If so, it might be time to explore the possibility of letting go. This doesn't necessarily mean condoning the other person's actions, but rather choosing to release yourself from the burden of anger. It can be a difficult process, requiring empathy, understanding, and a willingness to communicate openly. But ultimately, forgiveness, whether offered or sought, can pave the way for healthier relationships and a more peaceful existence, especially during this season of hope and renewal.
But what fuels this tendency to hold onto anger? Psychologists suggest a complex interplay of factors is at play. Often, it stems from a deep-seated need for validation. We feel wronged, and maintaining the grudge reinforces our belief that we were indeed justified in feeling hurt. Letting go might feel like admitting the slight wasn't significant, undermining our sense of self-righteousness.
Another key factor is the desire for control. Holding a grudge can feel like wielding power over the perceived offender. It allows us to punish them, albeit internally, and maintain a sense of moral superiority. This feeling of control, however illusory, can be particularly appealing when we feel powerless in other areas of our lives.
The problem is, this internal punishment rarely affects the other person as much as it affects us. Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It festers within, creating stress, anxiety, and even physical ailments. It also prevents genuine reconciliation and the possibility of rebuilding damaged trust.
So, when is it time to let go of a grievance? The answer isn't always straightforward. Some offenses are genuinely damaging and require significant processing, perhaps even professional help, before forgiveness is possible. However, for many smaller slights, the benefits of forgiveness far outweigh the costs of harboring resentment.
Consider the impact the grudge is having on your well-being and your relationship. Is it consuming your thoughts? Is it preventing you from moving forward? If so, it might be time to explore the possibility of letting go. This doesn't necessarily mean condoning the other person's actions, but rather choosing to release yourself from the burden of anger. It can be a difficult process, requiring empathy, understanding, and a willingness to communicate openly. But ultimately, forgiveness, whether offered or sought, can pave the way for healthier relationships and a more peaceful existence, especially during this season of hope and renewal.
Category:
Politics